When someone you love has ovarian cancer, it goes without saying that things can be stressful — especially if the diagnosis feels sudden, the cancer isn’t responding to treatment, or the cancer seems to be progressing. It doesn’t help that oncology appointments can feel overwhelming, confusing, frequent, and sometimes emotional.
This is where you can make a big difference in helping your loved one cope. “Friends and family can play a vital role in supporting someone diagnosed with ovarian cancer,” says Bridget Coyne Gabbe, LMSW, a social worker at the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center Rockefeller Outpatient Clinic in New York City.
Whether it’s at the initial consultation, pre- or post-operative appointments, or treatment-related visits, there are key ways you can be there for your loved one and help them feel less alone on the road ahead.
1. Help Track Symptoms and Concerns
Between oncology visits, your loved one may have a change in symptoms, due to the ovarian cancer itself or the medication they’re taking. Encourage them to keep a list or log of anything that comes up. You can even offer to keep the list for them and bring it to each appointment.
“New concerns often come up between visits, and your loved one may forget them when they’re sitting in the exam room,” says Dr. Tankou. “A written list helps ensure the issues most important to them are discussed.”
Plus, there may be some changes you notice that your loved one may not realize — for example, changes in their weight or appearance, a loss of appetite, memory problems, or weakness, as well as social stressors or financial concerns — that are also important to note.
“Bringing these concerns to the healthcare team’s attention can help identify problems earlier and connect you with appropriate resources and support,” she says.
2. Take Notes
During appointments, it’s helpful if you become the notetaker, so your loved one can focus on listening to and interacting with the healthcare team. “Medical appointments often involve a large amount of information delivered in a short amount of time, which can be quite overwhelming,” says Gabbe. Keeping a running list of notes, which you can add to at each appointment, can help. “Having a caregiver take notes regarding recommendations, medication changes, or next steps allows the patient to focus on the conversation instead of trying to remember every detail,” she says.
Then, your loved one can refer to your notes later, when they may be more clearheaded and considering treatment decisions.
3. Follow Your Loved One’s Lead
Supporting your loved one doesn’t mean taking over the conversation or decision-making during visits.
“I always recommend caregivers follow their loved one’s lead and let them dictate what they need and want,” says Robin Cohen, RN, cofounder of the Sandy Rollman Ovarian Cancer Foundation and chair of the World Ovarian Cancer Coalition. “It’s easy to overstep, but it’s important to let the person with cancer be the guide.”
At times, the news may be tough, and your loved one may have to make some difficult decisions. Their feelings and wishes are paramount. Take a step back, allow them to make the choices that feel right to them, and respect those decisions.
This may include having conversations with your loved one about advance directives. These are instructions for medical care that your loved one provides in case they’re ever unable to express them to you or the healthcare team. “This is not because we expect your loved one to die from cancer but because advance care planning is something every adult should consider,” says Tankou. “Discussing healthcare wishes ahead of time helps ensure those preferences are understood and respected if someone is ever unable to communicate them.”
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