3. Do Come From a Place of Love
Because overweight and obesity increase the risk for a host of health problems, including the ones mentioned above, you may want to have a frank conversation with your loved one about their overall health. “It is important to emphasize the concern around health as opposed to weight or looks per se,” says Vasserman.
Articulate that your concerns are because you care. “Send the message that you are coming from a place of love rather than criticism,” says Goodpaster. “For example, ‘I will always love you regardless of your body size, [and] because I love you so much, I want to make sure we live a long, healthy life together.’”
You can also invite them to share their perspective in a loving way. “For example, you might say, ‘I feel concerned about your health because of your family history of diabetes. Can you tell me how you’re feeling about your weight gain?’” Goodpaster suggests.
4. Don’t Say, ‘You’re Going to Eat All of That?’
Before being critical, realize that picking on your loved one isn’t likely to produce positive changes. “Do not ‘food police’ or make critical comments about what the person is eating, even if they have expressed that they are trying to lose weight,” advises Goodpaster. “Food policing usually triggers guilt and shame, which in turn can trigger emotional eating.”
Additionally, shaming a person is not an effective way to get them to do something. “Keep in mind that lasting change will never occur from being pressured or guilted into change by others,” Goodpaster says. “The person needs to be self-motivated to lose weight in order to engage in the many difficult behavior changes needed long term.”
5. Do Say, ‘How Can I Help?’
If you’re talking to someone who is thinking about weight loss but seems overwhelmed, remember that sometimes all people need is a supportive ear. “The most important feedback, in my professional opinion, would be to suggest to the loved one that you are there for them and will be supportive along the way,” says Vasserman. “Asking how you could be helpful or supportive can open up fruitful conversations, as opposed to making concrete suggestions around how to lose weight.”
Additionally, rather than placing the focus solely on a specific person who has extra weight, it’s helpful to make healthy behavior changes together as a family, says Goodpaster. “For example, the whole family might help with grocery shopping and meal prep, go on walks together, or engage in other enjoyable forms of physical activity,” she says.
6. Don’t Automatically Compliment a Loved One’s Weight Loss
Unless your loved one has specifically asked for it, refrain from commenting about their weight loss. “Some people appreciate compliments when they begin losing weight because they have difficulty recognizing change in themselves, and others feel uncomfortable and ‘under the microscope’ when any comments are made about their bodies,” Goodpaster says. If you’re unsure what the person wants, ask.
Goodpaster advises not automatically complimenting someone’s weight loss unless they have expressed they would like this kind of feedback, and you know that weight loss has resulted from healthy behavior change. “You can never assume that weight loss is a good thing, as sometimes it is unintentional due to illness, or the result of unhealthy weight control practices,” Goodpaster says.
7. Do Pay Attention to the Timing of These Conversations
As mentioned, timing is crucial. “I would most certainly not discuss one’s weight around others, as this will likely be humiliating,” Vasserman says. “Additionally, I would avoid any conversation about health and weight if you or your loved one are in an emotionally vulnerable state, such as during a heated argument.”
Surampudi agrees. “Timing is everything,” she says. “If you know your loved one is very sensitive or not ready to even think about making changes, wait. If a person is going through a rough time, a divorce, say, or some setback, that may not be the right moment to address a weight problem and set a challenge.”
The Takeaway
- Talking to a loved one about weight loss requires timing and empathy as the words could be triggering for them.
- Ask your loved one how you can help them in their weight loss journey and remind them that you’re there to support them.
- Refrain from complimenting on your loved one’s weight loss unless you’re sure they’d be appreciative of it. When in doubt about how they feel, ask.
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