If you struggle with accepting criticism, there are certain tools that can help you navigate negative feedback and grow from it. Here are expert-backed techniques for handling criticism and moving forward.
1 Pause Before Responding
You don’t need to answer the criticism right away. “A brief pause allows the stress response to settle and engages the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking,” says Dr. Wetter. “Without it, we’re more likely to react emotionally rather than respond thoughtfully.” Take a slow breath, count to three, and say, “Let me think about that for a moment.”
2. Try a Disarming Technique
Disarming means to find truth in what another person is saying, even if you strongly disagree with most of it, says Batista. People argue less when they feel heard and validated — it builds trust by showing humility and openness. Do this by acknowledging what might be right about the criticism, even if you disagree with most of it. “This immediately reduces defensiveness and shows respect for the other person’s perspective,” says Batista.
3. Show Empathy
Acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings and point of view. This does not mean agreeing at a surface level if you don’t feel it genuinely — but rather trying to understand where they may be coming from or what they may be feeling. “In order to have a good working relationship, we have to swallow a bit of our own ego,” says Batista. “By finding the kernel of truth, you create space for collaboration instead of conflict.”
4. Separate the Message From Delivery
Tone, facial expression, and word choice can make criticism sting more, even if it’s helpful. “Feedback that’s delivered poorly can still contain useful information,” says Wetter. “Distinguishing what is being said from how it’s being said helps you access that value.” Ask yourself: If this were said to me kindly, what would I take away from it?
5. Ask Questions to Learn More
Reflect on what you’re hearing and be interested in understanding what the critical person is saying. “Ask gentle, open-ended questions to better understand the criticism and the other person’s experience,” says Batista. This will help you use constructive criticism for growth.
6. Affirm the Value of the Relationship
Even in the midst of disagreement, saying something like, “I think the world of you — I appreciate your honesty and that you care enough to bring this up” can shift the focus from defensiveness to understanding and growth, says Batista.
7. Practice Self-Compassion With Yourself
“People with higher self-compassion are less likely to interpret criticism as a confirmation of their flaws,” says Wetter. “Instead, they view it as part of the universal human experience of learning and imperfection.” Practice talking to yourself like a supportive friend, telling yourself that the criticism doesn’t mean you’re a failure, but rather that there is an opportunity to improve.
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