Sharing a bed with a partner may be the norm, but it can make for restless sleep.
“Bed-sharing can create slightly more movement and occasional awakenings, especially if a partner snores, kicks, or has a restless sleep disorder,” says Michael J. Breus, PhD, a double board certified clinical psychologist and clinical sleep specialist based in Hermosa Beach, California.
According to one older study involving 52 couples, one partner with insomnia woke up about five times per night, and their partner had seven wake-ups.
But if you have different sleep schedules or preferences from your partner, there could be room for improvement. Here are six tips to help you get a better night’s sleep.
1. Replace Your Mattress or Topper
You may love a soft, plush mattress, while your partner may prefer a firm one. It’s a difficult compromise, but you don’t have to toss and turn on an uncomfortable surface.
Instead, consider buying two twin XL mattresses, one in each partner’s firmness preference, and placing them side by side on a king bed frame. This “split king” setup allows each partner to choose their preferred firmness.
This isn’t always the most comfortable, though, says Alex Dimitriu, MD, who is double board certified in psychiatry and sleep medicine and the founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine in Menlo Park, California. “A mattress topper for the person who wants more softness is another alternative,” adds Dr. Dimitriu, who is also a medical reviewer for Everyday Health.
Switching your mattress entirely could also do the trick. Choose a memory foam or hybrid option for greater motion isolation, which means you’ll be less likely to feel your partner’s movements during the night.
2. Stop the Blanket Stealing
Sharing a bed with a blanket hog can lead to a frustrating night with plenty of wake-ups as you try to yank the covers back over to your side.
Your fix: Try the Scandinavian sleep method. It ditches the top sheet altogether and gives each partner their own twin-size duvet or comforter. This method ends blanket tug-of-war, and lets each person regulate their temperature on their own terms at night, starting by choosing the comforter thickness that appeals to them.
3. Create a Dark, Quiet Environment
Even if the mild noises or disturbances don’t fully wake you up, they can still impact the quality of your sleep, Dimitriu says. “Less noise and light is generally good for everyone,” he says.
4. Find Snoring Solutions
“Snoring isn’t just annoying; it can meaningfully disrupt a partner’s sleep,” Dr. Breus says. And it’s a common problem that regularly affects 25 to 50 percent of people.
Fortunately, snoring can improve with a few behavior changes. “Alcohol reduction before bed, side-sleeping, and treating nasal congestion all help because they improve airway stability and reduce nighttime airway collapse,” Breus says. Weight loss can also help.
A small, older study looked at 10 married couples with one partner who potentially had OSA. When the snoring partner started CPAP therapy, the non-snoring partner’s sleep efficiency improved from 74 to 87 percent, and the overall sleep improvements translated to both partners gaining about one extra hour of sleep per night.
5. Successfully Navigate Different Schedules
“It is quite common for partners to have differing sleep needs and schedules,” Dimitriu says. “Some are night owls, and some are morning types, and people have different work schedules.”
“When partners try to force the same schedule, it can create a kind of mini ‘social jet lag,’ leading to poorer sleep, irritability, and daytime fatigue,” Breus says.
Instead of forcing the same schedule, try to establish a routine where you respect one another’s different sleep schedules and stick to agreed-upon bedroom rules for noise and devices when the other person is sleeping, Breus says. For instance, you can use a quiet alarm clock if you wake up at different times.
“I have been using an earbud that you sleep with, and it can wake me up without ever disturbing my wife,” Breus says. This type of device wakes you up through the earbud, which your partner likely won’t hear. “There are also vibration alarms where you put it in the pillow of the early riser and then it only wakes them up.”
6. Meet Each of Your Temperature Preferences
Alternatively, Dimitriu suggests trying a specialized type of mattress topper that uses air or other technology so each partner can select their own temperature (for instance, some use circulating air to customize and regulate the temperature of each half of the bed).
The Takeaway
- Sharing a bed with a partner can come with many benefits, including better sleep and lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.
- A restless partner’s movements, different schedules, temperature preferences, and snoring or other noises can all contribute to a poor night’s sleep when sharing a bed with a partner.
- Solutions for improving your sleep while sharing a bed include rethinking your mattress and bedding, creating guidelines that honor both sleep routines, utilizing tools like quiet alarm clocks and blackout shades, and finding solutions for snoring.
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