Postpartum depression can have a major impact on bonding with your baby, says Meleen Chuang, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist at NYU Langone Health in Brooklyn, New York. “A lot of women expect to feel an instant emotional connection after giving birth, so when that doesn’t happen, moms can feel guilty or that something is wrong with them,” says Dr. Chuang. “With PPD, it’s common to feel emotionally numb, detached, overwhelmed, or like you’re simply going through the motions.” That doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby; it means you have a medical condition. Depression affects your brain, energy levels, emotions, and ability to feel pleasure or connection.
“To bond with another person means that you see them as they truly are and to accurately interpret their signals and respond to them in a positive way. When you are depressed, you can’t do any of that,” says Lulu Zhao, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist and women’s behavioral health specialist at Cleveland Clinic. “You can’t read body language. You interpret signals negatively.” And negative interpretations can lead to powerful, debilitating thoughts, such as that your baby hates you or you’re not a good mother.
It can also be difficult to get out of bed to tend to your baby when you have postpartum depression. “The sound of crying can be very triggering for depression,” says Dr. Zhao.
This may result in a vicious cycle. As the baby picks up on your lack of response, the baby can get more dysregulated, leading to more crying and fussing, which can make you feel more hopeless. The more depressed you are, the more difficulty you will have bonding, says Zhao.
While some mothers may try to push on and go through the motions of soothing their newborn, they may still lack the appropriate touch, voice, and facial expressions that the baby needs. And many are not able to follow up with positive bonding activities, such as cuddling, hugging, and gentle caressing. “They just go back to being depressed,” says Zhao.
Getting treated for postpartum depression is a first priority. While it’s not easy to schedule time to see a therapist when you’re a new mom, it’s important to remember that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your baby.
A combination of therapy and medication can be very effective, says Zhao. A great first step is to contact your ob-gyn or primary care provider, who can help streamline the process of finding a therapist. Many healthcare providers also offer telehealth appointments.
In addition to getting the treatment you need, there are some actions you can take to help foster the mother-infant bond.
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