If you’ve ever wondered how to say no to being a bridesmaid in a friend or family member’s wedding, it’s safe to say you might have struggled with a perfect way to go about it. Having someone invite you to be in their bridal party is a huge honor as well as a major ask. “[It] is a lot of responsibility to take on, and it takes a lot of time throughout six or 12 months,” says event and wedding planner Yifat Oren. “In the end, not everyone can take that time and some of these expenses on.” While it’s appropriate wedding etiquette to be upfront with the bride if you have any hesitations about saying “I do” to bridesmaid duties or other jobs, you also want to toe the fine line of not offending them or hurting your relationship if you want to say no.
“I think one of the hard and fast rules is when this question gets asked of you is to ask about what the role entails? You can even say to someone, ‘Oh my gosh, from a totally emotional point, yes, I’m there 100 percent. But tell me what the actual logistics are and the expectations that you have, because it’s your day and you should really have a group of people that can meet that expectation,’” advises Lizzie Post, an etiquette expert who is the co-president, author, and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute. “That’s a good way to figure out what’s going on and what’s expected of you. Whether or not you can do those things is up to you.”
“Personally, I think it’s okay to decline being a part of someone’s wedding as long as you have a real-life, legitimate excuse,” says editor and former Moda Operandi communications director Hayley Bloomingdale, who’s been in such delicate situations herself. “If you genuinely can’t make it to the actual nuptials, then obviously, the bride will understand. If you can’t afford to be a bridesmaid because of umpteen bridal showers, bachelorettes, engagement parties, and lingerie showers, then speak up, send one really thoughtful gift, and then politely decline attendance to all the other events.”
Still, it’s tough to be in the position of turning down a hopeful bride. And, what if you’re approached to take on a role that needs to take on more responsibility like a maid of honor? Here, wedding experts offer tips on how to say no to being a bridesmaid (and still be a good friend).
How to Say No to Being a Bridesmaid
If imagining serving as a bridesmaid gives you anxiety, don’t ignore that impulse. If you really just don’t want to be a part of a bridal party, have that conversation early on. “You can say no. Nobody can control the reaction you get from your friend that you say no to,” says Post. “I think let someone know that you are so happy for them and you want to support them. You can say, ‘I really, really am honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid. However, it’s a role I found I’m not great at playing. Is there anything else you would love to have or a way that I could support you during the wedding like a reading, helping with a guest book, or gathering up all the gifts for you to get them to the car and make sure nothing’s missed. Is there anything like that that I could do for you instead?’” The etiquette expert adds, “It is an honor to be asked so I think making sure that you acknowledge that goes a long way towards the rejection that’s about to be delivered.”
Read the full article here
