If you’ve been diagnosed with metastatic HR-positive, HER2-negative breast cancer, there’s no right way to feel. “You are sitting with an enormous amount of uncertainty, and it’s normal to have waves of being terrified, anxious, worried, fearful, and exhausted,” says Helen Coons, PhD, a board-certified clinical health psychologist based in Denver who specializes in working with women who have cancer.
While it’s good to be cautiously optimistic that you’ll respond well to treatment, forcing yourself into a positive mindset doesn’t leave room for the range of normal, healthy emotions you’re experiencing. Learning how to let those feelings out and express them in healthy ways can help you avoid the toxic positivity trap.
1. Let Yourself Have a Good Cry
Don’t underestimate the cathartic power of crying. Crying therapy — using crying as a supplement to therapeutic treatments — may even lead to positive emotional changes. One small study found structured crying therapy improved mood and reduced distress in female breast cancer survivors.
It’s not weak to let yourself be vulnerable this way. Crying can be a healthy outlet for overwhelming emotions, such as sadness and frustration, which are completely appropriate when you have metastatic HR-positive, HER2-negative metastatic breast cancer, says Coons. Allowing yourself to feel those emotions instead of putting them aside can help you avoid toxic positivity and process what you’re going through more honestly.
2. Talk Things Out With a Supportive Loved One
One of the things Coons often hears from people with cancer is that they avoid being honest with their loved ones, because they don’t want to burden them or take them to a dark place. But chances are, your loved ones are experiencing many of the same emotions you are. “When you give voice to your feelings, it not only lets everybody else understand where you are but also gives permission for them to have their feelings, too,” she says.
Engaging in open and honest conversations with a trusted friend, family member, or partner can be very therapeutic. It’s important to connect with someone who listens without judgment and offers support without dismissing your concerns or pressuring you to look on the bright side. You’re also allowed to tell them when something they say isn’t helpful or if you just want them to listen without offering advice. Having a space where you can speak openly about your fears and frustrations without being expected to stay positive can help you feel truly heard.
3. Start Journaling
When you’re overwhelmed and don’t feel like talking to a loved one, journaling can provide a safe space to express your thoughts without feeling judged or worrying about someone else’s feelings. Writing honestly about both the good and the difficult moments can help counter toxic positivity by making room for your full emotional experience. Start by setting aside a few minutes every day to write freely.
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