5. Birthdays
There are names for feeling sad around your birthday: birthday blues or birthday depression. Birthdays are often expected to feel celebratory, but they’re also very real reminders of the passage of time, which can be daunting. “Birthdays have a way of illuminating the gap between where you are and where you thought you’d be,” Filipone says.
You might find yourself taking stock of all you’ve accomplished — or all you haven’t accomplished — and grieving younger versions of yourself, especially when it’s a milestone birthday, she says.
How to Cope Release the pressure to feel only happy on your birthday, and allow both joy and sadness to be present, Filipone says. She suggests writing a letter to your younger self, acknowledging who you were at the last milestone, what you’ve accomplished since then, what you didn’t accomplish, and how your priorities have shifted. “This turns the birthday from a reckoning into a conversation with yourself,” she says.
If the pressure of a milestone birthday feels heavy, remind yourself that everyone operates on their own timelines. “The grief often comes from comparing your real life to an imagined schedule somebody else handed you,” she says. “Ask whose timeline you’re actually grieving.”
Lastly, find a way to mark the day that feels authentic to what you’re actually experiencing. “If big parties feel hollow, don’t have one!” Filipone says. You might opt for dinner with close friends, sleeping late and enjoying one of your favorite hobbies, or any other tradition that feels more true to you, Cordiano says.
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