Whether you’re already feeling some strain in your relationship or want to prevent weight-related issues with your partner, these tools can help.
Talk About Your Feelings
Having open, honest conversations can help you and your partner understand where the other is coming from and feel more connected. “You want to understand what’s happening inside your partner’s mind from a place of curiosity and compassion,” says Espinoza.
If you need some guidance on where to begin, you could ask your partner questions like:
- How do you feel about my new body?
- What sorts of shifts have you noticed in our relationship or in my personality?
- Are these changes bringing up anything new for you?
Your partner could ask you questions like:
- How do you feel in your new body?
- How do you feel on your medication (if you’re taking one)?
- Are your priorities or goals shifting?
Remember That You’re a Team
Get into the mindset of tackling problems together, rather than shaming and blaming each other. “Try to think of it as, ‘It’s not you or me. Rather, there’s this stressor outside of our relationship that we can tackle as a team,’” says Burrets.
Maybe your partner is disappointed that you’re spending Sunday mornings in yoga class instead of cuddling on the couch. That’s probably because they want to keep spending time with you on the weekends — a problem you can solve together. For example, maybe you meet up after yoga in a park or at a coffee shop, or you shift lounge time to Saturday mornings or Sunday evenings instead.
Find New Ways to Connect
Eating together — and drinking alcohol, in many cases — are bonding activities for many couples. If rituals like going out to eat, cooking big meals on the weekends, or grabbing cocktails together aren’t happening much anymore, you’ll need to find other ways to spend time together.
Start by talking about what you both enjoyed about your old activities, Espinoza says. If you used to go out to dinner every Saturday, discuss why it was meaningful: Did you enjoy spending time with just your partner, getting dressed up, or the food itself? Depending on your answers, you can brainstorm new activities that meet those same needs.
See a Couples Counselor or Attend a Support Group
Certain issues in a relationship may always seem to lead to fights. That’s where a professional can help. “If something becomes too intense or so reactive that you can’t talk about it without screaming or completely shutting down, that’s time to bring in a couples therapist,” says Espinoza. Your healthcare provider can refer you to an expert, or try searching for a therapist in your area using a tool such as Mental Health Match.
Weight loss support groups can be another resource. Some groups allow partners to join, and there are others just for partners of people who have lost weight. Your doctor can be a good source for recommendations, as can your local hospital.
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