Where to Find Support
A good support system is important for buffering the emotional effects of a cancer diagnosis. But where can you find it?
Your oncologist will manage your cancer treatment, but they won’t necessarily address your mental health. Koffman says he was asked obligatory questions like “How are you doing?” and “Have you ever thought about harming yourself or others?” Beyond that, he says, “I was never really offered any social or emotional support.”
You may have to take the first step. Tell your cancer team you need to talk to someone, Ashton suggests. They can connect you with the right mental health professional — a psychologist for talk therapy, a psychiatrist to prescribe antidepressant medication, or a social worker to offer counseling and connect you with resources in your community.
Family and friends can be another source of support. Koffman says he wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for his wife. “She essentially put her life on hold to support me and help me get through it,” he says. Dr. Clayborne’s mother took her back and forth to chemotherapy appointments and cared for her afterward.
But even those who love you most may not fully understand what you’re going through. “I needed someone to sit across from me and say, ‘I know how you feel,’” Clayborne says. “I know what it feels like to touch your head and your hair falls out. I know what it feels like to want so badly to sit up, but your body just will not do it.”
One place where you can find that level of understanding is at a cancer support group. “If you can find a support group for other people who also have your diagnosis, they might be some of the few people who actually do get it and can relate,” Pendergrass says.
The American Cancer Society offers support resources, programs, and services both virtually and in person. Visit the website to find resources near you.
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