Before you have the talk, think about what you want from the conversation; it could be understanding, practical help, acknowledging what they may have already noticed, or simply the relief of not pretending nothing has changed.
Keep in mind that the response may not be what you expect — you could come away pleasantly surprised or somewhat disappointed, says Christine Williams, a doctor of nursing science and professor emerita at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton, Florida.
“Some friends may not know what to say, feel embarrassed, or respond in a way that feels less comforting than you hoped. That doesn’t necessarily mean telling them was a mistake; it may mean they need time or education,” she says.
Start with the friends who feel safest to tell. They may be the people you see most often, the friends who listen well, or the ones who are most likely to notice changes and be concerned. Consider who you feel closest to, who is likely to keep supporting you, and who you feel responsible for telling.
If the friend is also connected to your workplace, Williams suggests thinking carefully before sharing your diagnosis. “People may start treating you differently or changing your responsibilities before you’re ready. You’ve got to protect yourself,” she says.
Pick a setting and a time that gives both of you space to react. A quiet home setting, a private walk, or an unhurried cup of tea are better than a noisy restaurant or a rushed conversation before another commitment.
Finally, consider when you feel your best and you’re most articulate; for many people, that’s the morning. If you’re not a morning person, schedule a lunch or coffee date later in the day.
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